Tag Archives: slide

JINGJIN NEW TOWN PART 2 – TRANSVESTITE THEME PARK – GRADE B+

In the first part about Jingjin New Town we took a look at an entire city that doesn’t seem to have lived up to anyone’s dreams yet, except for Freddy Kruger who probably stalks the Americana suburbia at night. Leaving the fake suburbs though, there seemed to be a fairy tale castle on the horizon, but what’s this? First Burbex and Jude had to pass through an abandoned amusement park – Scooby Doo anyone?

ski-slope-view

The gate to the place reads “Emperor’s View Hotspring and Ski Slope” – peaking over the red wall Burbex was disappointed by a distinct lack of a ski slope, but there were the occasional shouts of Chinese joy from the nearby hotspings. Burbex was determined to make a detour around any spot where beached Chinese men were soaking their bunions.

sky-blue-pool

Fortunately there was plenty more to see in the park. An abandoned swimming pool, always one of Jude’s favorites, glowed a gentle green with the buildup of algae probably mutating in the toxic smog of the day.

volcano

The main feature of the park was a lake with a fake volcano in the middle of it. Climbing into the crater of the volcano, Burbex found decrepit red lights and smoke machines, presumably acting as a backdrop for the dance stage in front. How many sacrifices did they make to their heathen gods, Burbex wondered.

rocky-reflection

The lake was of course surrounded by all kinds of demi-gods, all present to show their respect to the volcano god. Below we can see the god of weird-looking clowns. His dark eyes looked a bit lonely, maybe he would have been happier at Floating Dragon Lake Amusement Park. That place always managed to cheer up Burbex.

unhappy-clown

Aside from the more typical demigods, there was the minor deity of Transvestite Pirate Queen, she may not have been so popular back then, but she’s coming out in a big way now – ha ha!

tranny-pirate

Of course wherever the Trannie Pirate Queen goes, so too do her wild animal pals, “Dirty Nelly the Elephant”…

nellys-retirement

and fearsome “Old One-Eye the Lioness”

one-eyed-lioness

Various marine-themed slides and chutes also empty out into the vacant swimming pool. It is hard to imagine anyone ever having played in the place, but then beyond the poolside, things got a little more lively.

sliding-standards

A ride called “Drag Fusion” must have been inspired by the Trannie Pirate Queen…

swining-ride

and this distinctly sketchy ride reminded Burbex of his childhood fear of the chains breaking and hurtling into the distance to a slow and bloody demise.

swining-chairs

What can be more comforting in the early afternoon than a quick ride on the carousel? Which horse do you think Burbex would choose?

not-so-merry-go-round

None other that Old Red sporting a mohawk that even BA Baracus would be proud of. By the way, Burbex doesn’t usually wear mascara – only when visiting trannie theme parks.

me-and-old-red

Of course, young people these days don’t appreciate simple pleasures like riding an artificial horse going round in a circle, they want dune buggies with flat tyres…

dune-buggies

and everyone’s favorite, The Bumper Cars. While Burbex is a big fan of abandoned theme parks, by the end of the visit he was left feeling a little…

bumper-cars

deflated.

deflated-dreams

Moving from the the suburbs of Jingjin New Town, and finding The Transvestite Theme Park, there was only one place left to visit, that shimmering chimera on the horizon The Shining Hotel.

reflected-palace

If you are interested in transgender theme parks, or regular theme parks for that matter, be sure to take a look at Floating Dragon Lake Amusement Park and if that doesn’t float your boat, then the water park at The Great Mall of China is for you.

details

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